Best jokes

A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay. Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?" "Well...yes." Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?" Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about my cooking again!"

A long time resident of San Francisco is packing allhis stuff into boxes. His roommate comes in & askswhat he's doing.

- I'm leaving ! - he replies. They justmade homosexuality legal.

- So why leave now ? - queries his roomie. Gays havebeen part of the scene here for years and years.

- Yeah, I know. - he replied. I'm getting the hell outof here before the damn fools make it compulsory.

More gay banter...

Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they starteddiscussing them.

The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owneda factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave hisbest friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.

The second man said his son was doing just as well.

He was a manager at a car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

The third man said his was doing well too.

He was a manager at a bank.

Why,just the other day he gave his best friend a the money to buy a house.

The fourth man just shook his head. He said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much.

But he must be doing something right because,just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!

If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V, or Henry IV Part II?

What do a meteorologist in a snowstormand a woman's sex life have in common?

They're both concerned with how manyinches and how long it will last.

An academic problemIn a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."

If a tree falls in the forest, and there's noone there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.

If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there is an exception to every rule.

If we accept "For every rule there is an exception" as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception after all, since the rule states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception tothe rule that for every rule there is an exception.

"Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks. If you are diving and are approached by a shark they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it in the nose as hard as possible." "If this doesn't work, beat the shark with your stump."

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said:

- It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.

Another said:

- No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.

The last said:

- Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?