A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.
Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.
After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush.
The phone was now working fine--except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call.
A repairman arrived within the hour!
- Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.
- Applicant: I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.
The population of the United States was 180 million at the time of writing, but there are 64 million over 60 years of age, leaving 116 million to do the work.
People under 21 total 59 million which leaves 57 million people to do the work.
Because of the 31 million government employees, there are only 26 million left to do the work.
Six million in the armed forces leave twenty million workers.
Deduct 17 million State, county, and city employees, and we are left with three million to do the work.
There are 2,500,000 people in hospitals, asylums, and treatment facilities leaving half a million workers.
However, 450,000 of these are bums or others who will not work, leaving 50,000 to do the work.
Now, it may interest you to know that there are 49,998 people in jail so that leaves just 2 people to do all the work, and that is you and me, and I'm getting tired of doing everything myself!
The world is divided into two groups. There are those who know, and those who don't know. Those who know are no problem.
Those who don't know are also in two groups.
One is those who don't know and know they don't know. Well, they can learn!
But then, there are those who don't know, and don't know they don't know. And they become unit managers!
Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
- You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution - screamed the terrorist leader - and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?
The Englishman spoke first.
- Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men.
- That can be arranged - said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said:
- And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men.
The Japanese said:
- Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Japanese style of industrial management.
The terrorist turned finally to the American.
- What is your last request?
The American replied:
- I want you to kill me right now so I don't have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!
Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked:
- Say, why did the foreman fire you?
Replied the second:
- Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman.
Never write a note or memo if you can phone or visit instead; everyone wants to talk whenever you're ready.
Don't sit down to talk. The acoustics are better the higher you are, and remember that most people are a bit deaf so speak up louder!
Try to talk with at least three people between you and your listener, so that they don't feel left out.
The very best place for a conversation is in the corridor, beside someone else's desk. If the corridor is full, try leaning against their cupboard or hanging over their screen.
Never warn people of your approach by knocking on their desk or cupboard. People love surprises, especially if they're busy.
The best time to disturb someone is when they look thoughtful or are concentrating. It's your duty to give them a break now and again.
To make sure that you get regular breaks, never use a "Do No Disturb" sign. When other people use them they're only joking.
Always hold meetings around a desk. If you book a conference room everyone will think you've got something to hide.
If the phone isn't answered after four rings, hang on. Someone will answer it eventually, and they might like a chat, too.
Never divert calls if you're leaving your desk. Your telephone could get into bad habits.
Try to whistle, hum or tap your fingers while you work. It is a comfort to others to know that you're still there.
If you have to design the office layout, remember to leave lots of wide-open spaces so that we can see and hear each other right across the floor.
