Best jokes

Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres has a new line of sneakers "coming out"?
→ They're called "dykeees". They have a longer than normal tongue and you can get them off with one finger!

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Stick your tongue out.

Move it up and down.

Relax.

Now move it left and right.

Well done! You have now completed Christopher Reeves workout video.

Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
→ A last name....... Were you thinking of something else?

What have a blonde and a computer got in common?
→ You don't realise how much you miss them until they go down on you!

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
→ All you can eat for under a buck.

What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
→ A brunette with bad breath!

A blond sees a brunette standing in the middle of the highway.

The brunette keeps saying, "88, 88, 88..."

The blond calls to her as the cars and trucks wizz past.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm counting cars," comes the reply. "Want to help?"

"Sure!" says the blond. She walks out to the middle of the highway to the brunette and starts saying "88, 88, 88.."

All the time the cars are dodging the two woman. Then a big semi drives by and runs over the blond. The brunnette calmly walks down the highway, picks a new spot, and starts muttering, "89, 89, 89..."

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette saidthat her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Headand Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,"How do you give shoulders?"

Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.

Brunette: Last night I had three orgasms in a row!

Judi: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Judi: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.