Best jokes

Why do bees buzz?
→ Because they can't whistle!

Can bees fly in the rain?
→ Not without their little yellow jackets!

Why did the bee started talking poetry?
→ He was waxing lyrical!

What goes zzub, zzub?
→ A bee flying backwards!

What are the cleverest bees?
→ Spelling bees!

What bee is good for your health?
→ Vitamin bee!

What's a bees favorite novel?
→ The Great Gats-bee!

What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell?
→ A hum dinger!

How many bees do you need in a bee choir?
→ A humdred!

What does a bee get at McDonalds?
→ A humburger!

What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea?
→ A bee in a submarine!

What's more dangerous than being with a fool?
→ Fooling with a bee!

What did the spider say to the bee?
→ Your honey or your life!

Who is a bee's favorite painter?
→ Pablo Beecasso!

What did the bee to the other bee in summer?
→ Swarm here isn't it!

What is a bee's favorite classical music composer?
→ Bee-thoven!

Who writes books for little bees?
→ Bee-trix Potter!

Where do bees go on holiday?
→ Stingapore!

What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him?
→ He's bee-witched!

What did the confused bee say?
→ To bee or not to bee!

What's black, yellow and covered in blackberries?
→ A bramble bee!

What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
→ Wait at a buzz stop!

What is the bees favorite film?
→ The Sting!

What goes hum-choo, hum choo?
→ A bee with a cold!

What's a bee-line?
→ The shortest distance between two buzz-stops!

What is a baby bee?
→ A little humbug!

What do bees chew?
→ Bumble gum!

What does a bee say before it stings you?
→ This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you!

What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry?
→ An aero-drone!

Who is the bees favorite singer?
→ Sting!

Who is the bees favorite pop group?
→ The bee gees!

What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk?
→ An animal that stinks and stings!

What does a queen bee do when she burps?
→ Issues a royal pardon!

How does a queen bee get around her hive?
→ She's throne!

What does the bee Santa Claus say?
→ Ho hum hum!

Why do bees hum?
→ Because they've forgotten the words!

What kind of bees hum and drop things?
→ A fumble bee!

What did the bee say to the flower?
→ Hello honey!

What's a bees favorite flower?
→ A bee-gonias!

How do you hire a teddy bear?
→ Put him on stilts!

What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
→ A polo bear!

Why do polo bears like bald men?
→ Because they have a great, white, bear place!

What do polo bears have for lunch?
→ Ice burger!

What's a teddy bears favorite pasta?
→ Tagliateddy!

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
→ They both have 'the' as their middle names!

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
→ It lives on ice!

Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
→ Because they'd rather go to the cinema!

What is a bear's favorite drink?
→ Koka-Koala!

Why was the little bear so spoiled?
→ Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!

What kind of money to polo bears use?
→ Ice lolly!

Have you ever hunted bear?
→ No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!

How do you start a teddy bear race?
→ Ready, teddy, go!

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
→ A bear faced lyre!

Why do bears have fur coats?
→ Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
→ A teddy boar!

What should you call a bald teddy?
→ Fred bear!

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
→ A little bear!

What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
→ Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin!

What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
→ Winnie the Pooh!

Where do ants go to eat?
→ At a restaurant!

What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
→ Antteneye!

What do you call an ant with frogs legs?
→ An antphibian!

What kind of ants are very learned?
→ Pedants!

What do you call a smart ant?
→ Elegant!

What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?
→ Discordant!

What kind of ant is good at maths?
→ An accountant!

How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
→ Ten ants!

What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle?
→ Your great-ant!

Who was the most famous ant scientist?
→ Albert Antstein!

What games to ants play with elephants?
→ Squash!

What do you call a 100 year old ant?
→ An antique!

What kind of ant can you colour with?
→ A crayant!

Who is the most famous French ant?
→ Napoleant!

Why did the ant-elope?
→ Nobody gnu!

What is the biggest ant in the world?
→ An elephant!

Why don't anteaters get sick?
→ Because they are full of antibodies!

What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
→ An independant!

Where do ants go for their holidays?
→ Frants!

What do you call an ant who skips school?
→ A truant!

What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
→ All sorts of antics!

What do you call a greedy ant?
→ An anteater!

Why did the elephant put his trunk across the path?
→ To trip up the ants!

What is even bigger than an elephant?
→ A giant!

What do you call an ant in space?
→ Cosmonants & Astronants!

What do you call an ant from overseas?
→ Impartant!

What medicine would you give an ill ant?
→ Antibiotics!

What is smaller than an ant's dinner?
→ An ant's mouth!

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.

"How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter." The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!" The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"