Best jokes

Why do artists never win when they play football?
→ They keep drawing!

- Ref: I'm sending you off

- Player: What for?

- Ref: The rest of the match!

Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding?
→ They got jellygated!

What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
→ Bring on their subs!

What part of a football ground is never the same?
→ The changing rooms!

What is the bank manager's favourite type of football?
→ Fiver side!

Why did the goal post get angry?
→ Because the bar was rattled!

Why are football grounds odd?
→ Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!

- Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?

- Captain: Well, it could have been worse.

- Manager: How?

- Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!

- Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?

- Player: I finished it in three days!