Best jokes

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
→ So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Why do men like blonde jokes?
→ Because they can understand them.

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
→ Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Having lawyers create laws is like have doctors create diseases!

- Knock Knock.

- Who's there?

- Stan.

- Stan who?

- Stan back or I'll be sick on your shoe!!!!

Your mama's teeth are so messed up....i thought her tongue was in jail!

What's the difference between a terrorist and a wife?
→ You can negotiate with the terrorist!

One day a man went hunting for ducks. When he was done he was going to his Chevy and he got a vist from The Game Warden.

The Warden said:

- Hey Sir, what ya huntin?

The man said:

- Ducks.

The Warden said:

- Did ya have any luck?

He said:

- Got 3.

The Warden said:

- Let Me see them.

The Warden stuck his finger up the ducks butt, smelled it and said:

- This duck is from Ohio, do you have a stamp for it?

The Man gave him the stamp.

The Warden picked up the 2nd duck did the same thing and said:

- Kentuky duck, got a stamp?

The man gave him the stamp.

The Warden did the same thing with the last duck and said:

- Canada duck. Stamp?

The man gave him the stamp.

Then the Warden said:

- Where you from anyway?

The man pulled down his pants and said:

- You're the expert, you tell me!

Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two black eyes. His work mates were understandably curious:

- Jack, what happened to you?!?

- It was the darndest thing! I was at church yesterday, and this fat lady stood up in front of me. You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the ass of a fat lady? It looked funny. I figured she wouldn't like that, so I just reached over and pulled it out with a little tug. Next thing I know, she spins around and socks me one!

- Jeez, you got TWO black eyes in one blow?

- Naw... After she turned back around, I figured she was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack -- so I tried to poke it back in.

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one of them $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man:

- I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and stereo and gives them to the man. She says:

- I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much.

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 and reinvests the rest. She says:

- I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much.

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.