Best jokes

These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other:

- We'll have to come back here tomorrow!

The other asks:

- But how will we remember where this spot is?

The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says:

- We'll just look for this X tomorrow.

The other guy says:

- You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?

Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland?

The Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies

A Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout:

- We know you're up there; come down.

The English guy, thinking fast, says:

- Twit, twit, twit...

The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout:

- We know you're up there; come down.

The French guy, thinking fast, says:

- Woo, woo, woo...

The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout:

- We know you're up there; come down.

The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says:

- Moo, moo, moo...

An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be working.

He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car.

The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks:

- Is it working?

To which the Polish guy responds:

- Yes, it's working....

- No, it's not working....

- Yes, it's working....

- No, it's not working....

After WWII, two Poles returned to their destroyed village to locate the first one's wife. Going through the rubble, Victor came across a dismembered arm and called over:

- Hey, Stanley, wasn't this Anya's arm? I think this is the wristwatch you gave her.

- I dunno, Victor - said Stanley, and they continued the search.

A little while later, Victor came across a severed leg.

- Stanley, couldn't this be part of Anya? She had great legs.

Stanley shrugged and they walked on.

Finally the energetic Victor came across a woman's head, which he held out at arm's length for his friend's inspection.

- Nope - said Stanley at last.

- Anya was a lot taller.

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German:

- What do you want on your back for your whipping?

The German responds:

- I will take oil!

So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak:

- What do you want on your back?

- I will take nothing! - says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.

- What will you take on your back? - the Amazons ask the American.

He responds:

- I'll take the Polak!

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
→ They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving!

What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill?
→ They stop delivering.

This Polak came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting:

- honey I am home!

What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife.

Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing.

- Don't laugh! - he screams.

- You're next!

An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in her foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by. So the elephant says:

- Help me, help me.

But the ant refuses unless the elephants agrees to let the ant have his wicked way with her.

Replies the elephant:

- Anything! Anything!

So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoy himself. Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, who witnessed the whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequently he fell out of the tree on top of the elephant.

Says the elephant:

- Ouch!

Says the ant, in his own little frenzy:

- Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!!