Best jokes

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
→ Nobody knows. It has never happened.

How are a husband and a cat similar when it comes to housework?
→ They're both afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

Why don't men often show their true feelings?
→ Because they don't have feelings.

How do you get a man to leave when you want?
→ Ask him about his feelings.

What's the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in her husband?
→ Say she wants to talk to him.

James and Beverly Jenkins had been married for twelve years when they mutually agreed to end it and get divorced. After the divorce was granted, that same day, as they stood facing each other for what could be the last time, James asked Beverly if she would mind him asking one last question.

- Not at all, go right ahead - she replied.

- Well, their is one thing that has always bother me. We have five kids with brown hair but youngest one, little Jimmy, has blonde hair. So, please tell me, whose kid is Jimmy?

- I just can't tell you, James. The answer would hurt you too much.

- I'll be fine. Now that we're divorced, finding out whoever Jimmy came from can't hurt me too much.

- Well, if it's that important to you...

- Jimmy is your child.

A wife was having coffee with a girlfriend of hers when she confided to her:

- Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I. Harry often yells at me, criticizes me, puts me down, plus he never helps out with anything around the house, and I keep getting the feeling that he's screwing his secretary. I can't eat, I can't sleep...in fact, I've already lost eight pounds this month alone!

- Well, why don't you dump the bastard?!? - her friend said.

To which the wife replied:

- Oh, I plan to do that, but first I want to get my weight down to 115 pounds.

My ex-husband (or ex-wife) was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.

- Mrs. Riley, you say you divorced your husband 6 years ago, but you have a newborn infant and children 1, 2, 3, and 4 years old. How come?

- Well, every year, he comes back to apologize.

A man and woman were lying in bed on night and the woman said to the man:

- I sure wish I had bigger tits.

The man responded by saying she should rub toilet paper all over them.

The woman looked at him and asked:

- Toilet paper, what will that do?

The man said:

- I don't know, but look what it's done for your ass!