Best jokes

What is the difference between the Titantic and Bill Clinton?
→ They know how many people went down on the Titantic!!

A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school.

She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast.

- No - the son replies.

- I don't wanna go to school!

- You HAVE to go to school - the mother scolds.

- No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky.

- You WILL go to school, young man - the mother warns.

- Why? Why do I have to go to school today? - the son asks.

The mother is about to lose her patience.

- Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!

President Clinton was seen walking around the White House one day recently. Laying across one shoulder was a pair of ladies nylon panties.

Nervously one White House Aide approach the President and asked about the panties.

- Oh those - Replied the President.

- I'm trying to quit. That's the patch.

How do you make a Kleenex dance?
→ Put a little boogie in it.

There is a drunk driver. He goes and hits a car with a woman driving it. Whos fault is it?
→ The Woman's, she should of never left the kitchen!

I put a blank cassette tape in my tape stereo last night and turned the volume all the way up....the mime next door went nuts!

I had skylights installed at my place the other day...the people that live upstairs are really mad!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Ida

- Ida who?

- Ida know.

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on:

- I finished the exam in half and hour. But - she says - I am rechecking my answers!

So, this penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman "have you seen my brother?"... and the barman says "I don't know, what does he look like?" (ba-dum-tish)