Best jokes

A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says:

- Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?

He said:

- I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn't think straight.

She smiled at him and said:

- So what are you thinking now?

He said:

- I think I did a pretty good job!

Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
→ It was a high school.

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced:

- Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

- Yes? - replied the teacher.

- Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Biggish

- Biggish who?

- No Thank you!

Three men are golfing. There is Jesus, Moses and an old man.

They've been pretty evenly matched until they arrive at the 11 hole to find a huge water trap. Moses tees up, and smacks that ball right out into the middle of the trap. Without a second thought he parts the water, hits the ball and gets it on the fairway, one stroke from the green. Then Jesus tees up. He smacks his ball right into the middle of the water trap. Without a second thought he walks out on the water, and hits that ball right onto the green. Finally the old man tees up. He hits the ball into the water trap. A fish swims up from the bottom of the trap with the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, picks up the fish and carries it over the hole, where the fish drops the ball and it plops into the hole. Jesus looks at the old man as Moses pencils another 1 in the old man's card.

- Alright Dad, stop showing off!

What kind of ear does a train have?
→ an Engineer

Why is the White House called the White House?
→ Sperm ain't purple!

How many Spice Girls does it take to change a light bulb?
→ They can't sing, they can't dance and they look awful. What makes you think they can change a light bulb?

Four guys were in an airplane, which was going down in flames. There were only 3 parachutes, though.

The reverand says:

- I should go! everybody needs religion! - they agree and he jumps.

Another guy says:

- I'm the smartest man on earth! If I die, everyone goes broke! - so he jumps.

The old guy says to the hipee:

- I am old, and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you jump.

But the hipee replies:

- Chill dude! We can both go! the smartest man on earth forgot the parachute!

Why did the blond jump off the bridge?
→ To see if her maxipad really had wings..