Best jokes

Why do Lawyers smell?
→ So the blind can hate them, too!

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess:

- I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me.

- One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying:

- I don't think so.

A blonde's house is on fire. She calls 911 and says:

- My house is on fire.

The dispatcher says:

- Well, can you tell me how we get there?

- Duhhhh, in the big red trucks, of course.

God made oceans, God made lakes,
God made NSYNC but hey, we all make mistakes!!!!

Where does Bill Clinton have sex?
→ In the oral office.

And once again the low self-esteem therapy group meets here at the Salvation Army Hall next Tuesday at 3.00 P.M. Remember that we prefer if you would use the back entrance.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and says:

- Bartender, give me a drink.

The bartender can't believe his eyes and says:

- Oh my Gosh, I can't believe this, you're a talking grasshopper!

- Do you know we have drink named after you?

The Grasshopper replies:

- You have a drink named Steve?

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says:

- I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said:

- You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?

And the man replied:

- I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter.

He asks the man:

- Where did you get such a big lighter?

The man replies:

- See that man playing piano over there? He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish.

So the guy walks over to the genie and says:

- I wish for a million bucks.

All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says:

- That genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he.

The guy replies:

- no kidding!

- You think I asked for a 14 inch bic!

Adam was wandering around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, when he heard a loud voice ask him:

- What is wrong with you?

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to, and he was feeling very lonely.

Then the loud voice said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. The voice continued, saying:

- this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed.

Adam thought that sounded great, so he asked:

- What would a woman like this cost me??

The voice answered:

- an arm and a leg.

Adam thought about that for a moment. He thought that would be a pretty high price to pay, so he then asked:

- What can I get for just a rib???

The rest is history . . .