Women Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do men consider a 50-50 relationship?
→ We cook, they eat! We clean, they dirty! We iron, they wrinkle!

A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, "You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer!" The Scotsman says, "That's nothing! My wife went out last week and bought a brand new $30,000 car, and she can't even drive!" Not to be out done, the Aussie says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that! Last week she left for a two week holiday in Paris and I saw her pack 20 condoms! Hell, she doesn't even have a penis!"

Men are like toilets -- either they're taken, or full of crap!

3 women went out drinking, and decided to have a contest of who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together. The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."

The second woman said, "I blew chunks."

The third woman said, "I burned down my house." After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won," and the second woman said, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."

How can you tell if your date really digs oral sex?
→ She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.

The doctor because he says "Take your clothes off."

The dentist because he says "Open wide."

The hair dresser because he says "Do you want them teased or blown?"

The milkman because he says "Do you want it in the back or in the front?"

The interior decorator because he says "Once it's in you'll love it."

The banker because he says "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."

A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.

The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all said, "So, where y'all from?" The Wisconsin girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Oklahoma sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"

A woman walks into a hardware store and says "I want to buy a hinge."

The clerk says "Do you wanna screw for that hinge?"

The woman says, "No, but I'll blow you for the toaster."

Did you hear about Tempura House?
→ It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. So she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did..

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply, and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look ed zachary like your ass."