Random joke from this category
A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"
She replies, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me GOD, can I ask you a few questions?"
GOD replied, "Go on Adam but be quick I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you"
This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth." The woman then says with anticipated agony, "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!" To which the dentist replies: "Well make up your mind. I have to adjust the chair."
How can you tell when your girlfriend's horny?
→ You stick your hands in her panties and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
- Doctor, I need your help. My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?
- Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?
- Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've got to help me!
- Er... Why don't you take a lover?
- I have! I still don't get enough.
- Take another lover.
- I did. In fact, I have eight lovers, and I still don't get enough sex!
- Gosh, that's an anomaly.
- Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me I'm a whore!
What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
→ Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.
What's a Jewish American Princess's idea of kinky sex?
→ She moves.
The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."
The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . ."
The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"
"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . ."
"Yes yes!"
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"
Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.
St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question." "Which is ...?", they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the first girl.
"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the golden key."
"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.
"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the silver key."
"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.
"Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime."
"Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... my room key."
