Random joke from this category
A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!
She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.
What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation:
George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush, "There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!"
George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell me what you see?"
Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful."
George Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street."
Osama asks, "And what do they say?"
George answers, "Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"
Hit Television Shows in Iraq:
Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?
→ Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!
Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:
If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!
Late Nite Jokes heard on T.V.
"There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head." (Jay Leno)
"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves." (David Letterman)
"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard." (David Letterman)
"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll taste your food, you check our mail." (Jay Leno)
"People are wondering what will happen to Afghanistan when we're finished fighting there. I'm sure there are plans to rebuild the country, and a lot of times with rebuilding comes a name change. These are some possible name changes the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan." (Jay Leno)
"Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden. How about finding Dick Cheney? Where did he go? What have we got caves over here now, too? Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo.'" (Jay Leno)
"We are getting more and more insight into the life of Osama bin Laden. Today the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States said that bin Laden had an unhappy childhood growing up, 52 brothers and sisters. You think his childhood was unhappy, wait 'til we deliver his mid-life crisis." (Jay Leno)
"There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel like a woman in their country." (Jay Leno)
World War III. The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?
The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES.
The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied.
Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT?
Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR!
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad.
The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!" All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away.
Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the redhead yells "HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets shot.
The Taliban's Fall TV Line-up
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