War — most viewed jokes

Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War?
→ Robert E Flea!

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
→ Shoot the lawyer twice.

What's Osama Bin Laden going to be for Halloween?
→ Dead.

Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick's looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. Mick says, "Well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I've just found out that he actually died in the Auschwitz concentration camp."
Patrick says, "That's terrible, did he go to the gas chamber?" and Mick replies, "No, he fell out of the machine gun tower."

What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
→ Nothing, yet.

It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:

- Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."

- But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed.

- I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.

- Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question...

- What is that, my son?

- Do I have to tell him the war is over?

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat?
→ A bigger target.

An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.

The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.

The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. Early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me please."
The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"

And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!"

- What do you think about the coming battle, General?

- God knows it will be lost.

- Then why should we go for it?

- To find out who is the loser.