Stats/Math Jokes — most viewed jokes

Theorem: n=n+1
Proof:
(n+1)^2 = n^2 + 2*n + 1
Bring 2n+1 to the left:
(n+1)^2 - (2n+1) = n^2
Substract n(2n+1) from both sides and factoring, we have:
(n+1)^2 - (n+1)(2n+1) = n^2 - n(2n+1)
Adding 1/4(2n+1)^2 to both sides yields:
(n+1)^2 - (n+1)(2n+1) + 1/4(2n+1)^2 = n^2 - n(2n+1) + 1/4(2n+1)^2
This may be written:
[ (n+1) - 1/2(2n+1) ]^2 = [ n - 1/2(2n+1) ]^2
Taking the square roots of both sides:
(n+1) - 1/2(2n+1) = n - 1/2(2n+1)
Add 1/2(2n+1) to both sides:
n+1 = n

Theorem: 1$ = 1c.

Proof:
And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing.
1$ = 100c
= (10c)^2
= (0.1$)^2
= 0.01$
= 1c
Here $ means dollars and c means cents. This one is scary in that I have seen PhD's in math who were unable to see what was wrong with this one. Actually I am crossposting this to sci.physics because I think that the latter makes a very nice introduction to the importance of keeping track of your dimensions.

Theorem: All numbers are equal.

Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then
a + b = t
(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
a - t/2 = b - t/2
a = b
So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.

Theorem: 4 = 5
Proof: -20 = -20
16 - 36 = 25 - 45
4^2 - 9*4 = 5^2 - 9*5
4^2 - 9*4 + 81/4 = 5^2 - 9*5 + 81/4
(4 - 9/2)^2 = (5 - 9/2)^2
4 - 9/2 = 5 - 9/2
4 = 5

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• INCOME TAX: 244.40
• OUTGO TAX: 45.21
• STATE TAX: 61.10
• INTERSTATE TAX: 5.89
• COUNTY TAX: 6.11
• CITY TAX: 12.22
• RURAL TAX: 4.44
• BACK TAX: 1.11
• FRONT TAX: 1.16
• SIDE TAX: 1.61
• UP TAX: 2.22
• DOWN TAX: 1.11
• KNICKNACK TAX: 1.98
• HACKENSAC TAX: 3.93
• THUMBTAX: 0.98
• CARPET TAX: 0.69
• SNACK TAX: 8.32
• SURTAX: 3.46
• MA'AM TAX: 3.46
• PARKING FEE: 5.00
• NO PARKING FEE: 10.00
• F.I.C.A.: 81.88
• T.G.I.F.: 9.95
• LIFE INS.: 5.85
• HEALTH INS.: 16.23
• DISABILITY INS.: 2.50
• ABILITY INS.: 0.25
• LIABILITY INS.: 3.41
• DENTAL INS.: 4.50
• MENTAL INS.: 4.33
• FUNDAMENTAL INS: 0.11
• COFFEE: 6.85
• COFEE CUPS: 66.51
• CALENDAR RENTAL: 3.06
• FLOOR RENTAL: 16.85
• CHAIR RENTAL: 4.32
• DESK RENTAL: 4.32
• UNION DUES: 5.85
• UNION DON'TS: 3.77
• CASH ADVANCES: 0.69
• CASH RETREATS: 121.35
• OVERTIME: 1.26
• UNDERTIME: 54.83
• EASTERN TIME: 9.00
• CENTRAL TIME: 8.00
• MOUNTAIN TIME: 7.00
• PACIFIC TIME: 6.00
• DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: 4.44
• TIME OUT: 12.21
• OXYGEN: 10.02
• WATER: 16.54
• ELECTRICITY: 38.23
• HEAT: 51.42
• AIR CONDITIONING: 46.83
• MISC: 169.24

TAKE HOME PAY: $0000.02

Why is math always sad?
→ Because it has too many problems.

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."

The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Again, the last question was, "How much is two plus two?" Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four."

The lawyer was interviewed last, and again the final question was, "How much is two plus two?" The lawyer drew all the shades in the room, looked outside to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and then whispered, "How much do you want it to be?"

A variation

A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.

Each was asked this question during their interview: "How much is two plus two?"

The mathematician answered immediately, "Four."

The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, "Four, plus or minus one."

Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, "How much do you want it to be?"

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.

Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.

Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!

Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."

Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.

Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"

How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
→ Too early to say.

What do economists and computers have in common?
→ You need to punch information into both of them.

Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?
→ If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.

Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
→ He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.

NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Why did the market economist cross the road?
→ To reach the consensus forecast.

What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
→ Deflator mouse

How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.

How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.

How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ It depends on the wage rate.

How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
→ I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.

How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None - the market has already discounted the change.

How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
→ All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.

How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.

When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.

Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Seven plus or minus ten.

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.

What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
→ The economist is the one with the calculator.

What's the difference between economists and businessmen?
→ The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground

Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the correct one, and everyone will still be in the dark.

Why did God create economists?
→ In order to make weather forecasters look good.

What does an economist do?
→ A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.

Two economists meet on the street.

- How's your wife?

- Relative to what?

To an economist, real life is a special case.

How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.

Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.

When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.

Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion.

Why has astrology been invented?
→ So that economy could be an accurate science.

TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM
9.9999973251 It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
8.9999163362 It's the new math
7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
6.9999831538 You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
5.9999835137 Redefining the PC -- and Mathematics As Well
4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really
3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful
2.9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It Floating Point?
1.9999103517 We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws
0.9999999998 The Errata Inside

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."