Random joke from this category
Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his neighbor, "Ray, may I borrow your axe?" "Not today," Ray replied, "I have to make soup."
"What kind of excuse it that?!" demanded Joe. "Well," confessed Ray, "I admit its a lousy excuse. But, if I don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as another."
A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. "Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?" asked the barber. "Don't be so stupid, I'm only three!!" said the girl!
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened."
These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.
They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. The guys said "What's that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this."
They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year." "Okay," they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?"
"Yeah" said the guy.
"Where is he?" asked the trader.
"I shot him" said the guy.
"Why?"
"I caught him in bed with my board."
Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:
- Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
- Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!
A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "He's a midget."
What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
→ One with no spooks in it.
- Woman: Two Achoo! tickets, please.
- Clerk: Have you purchased tickets here before?
- Woman: cough No.
- Clerk: Then I need your address.
- Woman: Okay. It's 260..AHEM Sorry.. Laryngitis...
- Clerk: You'll have to spell that one for me.
As public television viewers in 12 cities sat glued to their sets while doctors in Philadelphia reconstructed 15-month-old Michele Miller's skull during a two-hour operation broadcast live, the girl's parents, Lynn and Paul Miller of Princeton, N.J., opted to watch "The Wizard of Oz" instead.
This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."
