Situations — most viewed jokes

Things to do at a Bowling Alley

• Every time you throw exclaim "TAKE THAT, YOU!!!" continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out.
• Whenever a strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy.
• Explain to the Owner how your game has been ruined due to Platetechtonics then loose him in lingo. Demand Compensation.
• Bring Zippo fluid, light the pins on fire.
• Wear Golf Shoes.
• Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices.
• Dress up like an amish man. Give speaches to others against the high technology used in bowling.
• Play bocci with extra lane balls
• Try to juggle the balls, when you drop them, start screaming about Platetechtonics again
• Every ten minutes run the entire length of the building beating your own head and speaking in tounges, then sit down as if nothing happened.
• Bring full angling gear, ask how they're biting.....fish.
• Completely cover your ball in duct tape (sticky side out) then loudly complain about how your hook is off.
• Hide behind the pins. Stick your head up, LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.
• Use a Curling Weight instead, bring a full team of sweepers.
• Throw refuse down the ball return, tell the owner the trash compactor is busted.
• Make your prescence known by arranging pentagrams out of candles on every lane except yours.
• Root for the other team- Bring Banners. Make fun of your team- Bring Lettuce.
• Tell the rival team captain that you just met his "little girl" walk away mumbling "how bad things happen"
• Bring a foghorn, use at crucial moments
• Even if you miss totally--At the top of your lungs scream STEEEEEEEEERIKE
• Bring a small gold idol, demand the other team pray to it.
• Rent all the lanes, don't bowl
• Rent all the shoes, eat them
• Blatenly Underscore yourself, then accuse the other team of cheating
• When an opponent is on his backswing, race up and take his ball, run home.
• If your team is in the finals, throw nothing but gutterballs, blame platetechtonics
• Trip EVERY member of the opposing team, trip your team, trip everyone
• Wear a baseball uniform, bowl sidearm.
• SuperGlue Police Whistles to the hand-dryers...leave town
• Walk around asking people why they are here, do this the whole night
• Ask to use the house mic. Say you want to make an anoucement, expond on the sins of bowling
• Name your ball something like "KILLER", Openly boast to everyone how great you are, bowl terribly. Do this all night
• Sit in your lane and heckle others with a BullHorn.
• Bring a dartgun...

Be inventive.

• Wrestle with your ball. (WWF Style) Ask someone to ref.
• Run around sprinkling "MAGIC FAIRY DUST" on everyone's balls. Tar works nice.
• Sponsor a Really Big Open Bowl Night, Dont even have a Entrance fee. Advertise it using Every Mass Media known to man, make the 3rd Prize: $10,000 and a Porshce 2nd Prize: $5,000 and a trip to Europe 1st Prize: A coffee mug Then sit back a watch the fights..... leave or Cancel the whole thing.
• Hand out Pamphlets on Patetechtonics.

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
→ To get to the second hand shop.

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around. He says "Hey Paco, you shit your pants?" Paco says "No, Pablo, I did not shit my pants." He believes him and they keep riding.

As they go on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Pablo stops his horse and turns around. He then says "Paco, Are you sure you did not shit your pants?" Paco says "Yes Pablo, I am sure I did not shit my pants." He says "Ok." They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable. Pablo is swatting the flys away. Pablo stops his horse and gets of his horse. He then says "Paco, get of your horse. Paco, pull down your pants. Paco, I thought you said you did not shit your pants?"

Paco replies "I thought you meant today!"

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.

Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker.

"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."

With the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was suddenly illuminated. "Who turned on the fucking lights?" a male passenger, who had been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess.

The girl had had enough of this particular character. "These are the breakfast lights, sir," she answered with forced sweetness. "The fucking lights are much dimmer, and you snored right through them."

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.

The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.

The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.

"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"

Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.

The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.

"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.

"He's a stupid dog--that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key."

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star." Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

Casey and Riley agreed to settle their dispute by a fight, and it was understood that whoever wanted to quit should say "Enough." Casey got Riley down and was hammering him unmercifully when Riley called out several times, "Enough!" As Casey paid no attention, but kept on administering punishment, a bystander said, "Why don't you let him up? Don't you hear him say that he's had enough?" "I do," says Casey, "but he's such a liar, you can't believe him."

Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat.

Astonished, one of them says, "I went to my parents wedding last week and we all got rat-arsed."

Being quick on the uptake the second one says, "My dad says he will marry my mum next year."

Despite this the Nun stays right where she is.

In desperation the third one says, "My old man will never ever marry my mum."

The Nun looks up from her food and says, "Would one of you bastards please pass the salt."