Relationships — most viewed jokes

What do you call a man who opens the car door for you?
→ A chauffeur.

Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed, and things were going hot and heavy.

"Slow down, baby," she said. "Foreplay is an art."

"You better get your canvas ready soon," he panted, "because I'm about to spill my paint!"

A lonely divorcee was driving home from work one evening when she saw a man trying to hitch a ride. She picked him up and they got to talking.

"What do you do?" she asked him. "I recently escaped from prison for having killed my wife." "Oh, does that mean you are available?"

What did one amorous flea say to the other?
→ I love you aw-flea.

What do you do if your bank account stops working?
→ Throw the guy out of the house.

The bachelor who complained that the women he selected would not remain his friend for more than a few weeks was told, "Your problem is that you are looking for a particular kind of woman.

You ought to be looking for the kind of woman who is not particular."

His girlfriend returned all his letters.
I bet she marked them "second class male!"

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it!

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
→ Close the door.

How did the octopus lovers walk down the road?
→ Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm.