Random joke from this category
A man and a woman are in an elevator. All of a sudden the elevator stops and the fire alarm goes off.
The woman starts to have a break down and say to the man, "I wish I could feel like a woman one last time."
The man automatically rips his shirt off throws it to the floor and says, "now fold it"!
- Boy: Do you have fever?
- Girl: No, why?
- Boy: Cause you look hot!!!!!
Two elderlies are rocking on the porch at the home. "Bet you can't guess how old I am," he says. "Bet I can," she says. "Bet you fifty dollars you can't tell me how old I am," he says. "You're on," she says.
"Stand up." He stands up. She looks him up and she looks him down. "Now turn around," she says. She looks him up and she looks him down. "Now, turn back around . . . and drop your pants," she says. He drops his pants and she looks him up . . . and she looks him down . . . "you're 86," she says. He's dumbounded. "By golly, woman, you're right. I am 86. How'd you know?" She rocks and smiles.
"You told me yesterday!"
DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN
(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!)
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit". Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."
I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry. I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so.. Do you have a piece of gum?
Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage
How does a male lightning bolt feel when he notices an attractive female lightning bolt?
→ Thunderstruck
A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns.
His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
He says: "Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!!!"
