Political Jokes — most viewed jokes

One day, Bill Clinton decided to go for a ride in his limo. He was tired of the city, so he told his limo driver to take him to the country.

They drove around for hours, and it soon became late. The driver was geting rather tired and found it difficult to keep his eyes open.

Suddenly, the limo hit a huge bump and and the two men heard a terrible scream.

The limo driver stopped the car immediatly to see what had happened. Bill Clinton soon got out of the car also, to investigate.

"What happened?!" asked Bill.

"I ran over a pig," replied his driver.

Bill Clinton looked horrified. "Well go over to that farmhouse and tell them what you did. That pig could have been their's."

So the driver walked over to the farmhouse and knocked on the door. Bill Clinton waited in the limo for nearly 2 and a half hours. Finally, the limo driver came back and got back into the car. Bill Clinton, infuriated that his driver had left him alone for so long, demanded to know where he had been.

"Do you know how long you've been gone?! What happened up there?" he asked.

The limo driver, happily confused, replied, "Those people up there threw me a huge party."

Bill Clinton, confused himself, asked, "What? Why?"

The limo driver started up his car and answered, "I told them I was driving Bill Clinton around, and I ran over the pig."

Three Republicans walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve Republicans here."

The Republicans say, "That's OK... We don't serve you either."

On Jeopardy...

- Trebek: The category is "Political Subversion". The answer is: This entity is dedicated to the destruction of religion, morality, and the American way of life.

- Player: What is the KGB?

- Trebek: Be more specific.

- Player: What is PBS?

- Trebek: Right!

How big is Bill Clinton's Penis?
→ Not as big as Hillary's

What is long, black, and smelly?
→ The unemployment line.

What's the definition of lawyer?
→ The larval form of a politician.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

TOP 10 McGreevey jokes....

10. NJ state bird - swallow.
11. New Jersey Turnpike renamed Hershey Highway.
12. NJ raises terror alert level to lavender.
13. We know he didn't like bush, but this is ridiculous.
14. Now we know why McGreevey enjoyed "polling" so much.
15. What does McGreevey and the Israeli navy have in common? Jewish seamen.
16. NJ DMV now calls rear-end accidents a "mcgreevey".
17. Gives new meaning to "stuffing the ballot box".
18. Post headline: "McGreevey goes down!"
19. It shouldn't take McGreevey long to get out of the governor's mansion - he's already got all his schitt packed!

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.

Top Ten Things The Chinese Have Learned By Examining Our Spy Plane

10. American codes can be broken by anyone with a basic understanding of Pig Latin
11. On-board computers were mainly used for Internet casino video poker
12. According to plaque, "When Bush gives order, nod politely, wait to hear what Cheney says"
13. Cockpit full of Colt 45 bottles
14. Mission was to determine if Chinese people can fly like in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"
15. "Cloaking device" button only there because pilot's a "Star Trek" fan
16. Maybe not the best idea to write "Spy plane" on wings
17. The plane's sole security feature: an angry kitty
18. Plane is so high-tech lavatories feature futuristic blue water!
19. Americans smell like Doritos and Aqua Velva

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word "tragedy."

"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"

A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"