Random joke from this category
Little Johnny A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "what do you think?"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."
- Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.
- Doctor: Oh, really?
- Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
Laws of Household Physics
Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:
- Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!
- Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.
- Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!
What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
→ It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
What is the difference between boogers and spinach?
→ You can't get your kids to eat spinach.
One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.
The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to the father all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he undid the diaper, he finds that the diaper is indeed full. "Here's the problem", the Dr. says. "He needs a change." The father is very perplexed, " But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs!"
Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn't ask it again.
He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn't answer the question and that he shouldn't ask it again.
The next question he asked was why she and Daddy got divorced.
Once again, she told him that it was not a question he should ask and to not ask that question again. He went away.
A few minutes later, she found him digging in her purse. She asked what he was doing and as he turn toward his mother, he beamingly told her he had found all the answers to his questions by looking at her driver's license.
He said, "Mother, you're 34 years old, weigh 125 pounds and Daddy divorced you because you got an 'F' in sex."
I don't think this whole White House scandal is good for parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie, and he said we could discuss it tonight in a "National Town Meeting."
