Miscellaneous — most viewed jokes

The young Indian boy had spent most of his life in a quandry... He felt different yet... couldn't figure why... he was just so depressed. He went to the Chief for answers... He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name...

The chief answered in his typically poetic way...

"When Red Deer Running was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing his mother saw was a beautiful deer running off into the forest... and so Running Deer was named. It is the custom of our tribe to name the offspring according to the spirits in nature visiting upon the birth."

Then, the boy said to the Chief... And how did my sister "Thundering Bird" get her name? The chief described again, how at the moment of her birth Thundering Bird's mother had heard a roar of thunder and looking up, saw a bird flying in the sky...

The boy asked again, how his cousin "White Crouching Bear" had been given such a name... And the chief, looking down once more at the boy, explaining the traditions of their tribe.... White Bear's mother had seen a rare white bear crouched over a stream at the moment her baby's birth. Then he asked the boy...

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

A: A quarter-pounder with cheese.

The five most constipated people in the Bible:1. Cain-who wasn't able.2. King Solomon-who sat on the throne for forty years.3. King David-who neither Heaven nor Earth could move.4. Moses-who took two tablets and went up into the mountains.5. Noah-who spent 40 days and 40 nights on the ark and passed nothing but water.

What does ADIDAS stand for?

All Day I Dream About Sex.

What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box?

A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house.

A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

"I just got laid and now you want me to get hard?!"

Sent by Sarah

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

How do you tell two KKK members apart?

Ask their wife. After all, she's their mother....

How do you get a one armed MAN out of a tree?

Wave at him.

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his mother asking him to send her a current photoof himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to lether know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts aphoto in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send apicture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picturein half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of thephoto. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent thewrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother'seyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weekslater he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...itmakes your nose look short!"