Military Jokes — most viewed jokes

Ten Recruits had just arrived at the training camp and were lined up for inspection.

"Hey johnson!" yelled the drill instructor, "those are the ugliest shoes i've ever seen!"

"Yes, sir," the young man answered.

"Those shoes are really really ugly, right?" hollered the D.I again.

"Yes, sir!"

"And that hair- dont they have barbershops where you came from?"

"Yes, sir," answered the recruit.

"So why didnt you get a haircut?"

"I was saving up for shoes, sir!"

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off."

The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing?"

The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time?"

"Ya, that vill be done," says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off.
Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before?"

The German replies, "Vhy, ya."

The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!"

A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher were sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from his cell and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The soldiers panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The shopkeeper was led out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted "Flood!" and escaped. The teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim and the teacher, remenbering how the other two had escaped, shouted "Fire!"

What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis?
→ Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.

What does Clinton do to lose weight?
→ Runs away from the draft.

Why doesn't Bill like old houses?
→ He's afraid of the draft.

Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
→ To promote off-shore drilling.

Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton's election?
→ It's gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
→ It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.

How can you tell when Clinton is ready for battle [in Bosnia]?
→ He's got his jogging suit on.