Military Jokes — most viewed jokes

What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
→ Turkey.

How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.

Recruits were shocked at the language the sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one young soldier asked:

"Sergeant, where did you le-arn your language?"

"Learnit, hell, it's a gift," proudly informed the NCO.

What did they tell the burger who enlisted in the Army?
→ You've got no beef, soldier!

- Who likes music? - asks a commander.

- Two soldiers step forward.

- All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:

- What's your problem, Soldier?

- Chronic syphilis, Sir!

- What treatment are you getting?

- Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!

- What's your ambition?

- To get back to the front lines, Sir!

- Good man!

He goes to the next bed.

- What's your problem, Soldier?

- Chronic piles, Sir!

- What treatment are you getting?

- Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!

- What's your ambition?

- To get back to the front lines, Sir!

- Good man!

He goes to the next bed.

- What's your problem, Soldier?

- Chronic gum disease, Sir!

- What treatment are you getting?

- Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!

- What's your ambition?

- To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two - Sir!

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.

During one battle, The French captured an English major.

Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him.

The French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why from that day to now, all French Army officers wear brown pants.

In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army.

"But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"

"Sure," replied the man.

"Well, won't they find out?" asked his friend.

The man shrugged and replied, "But who will tell?"

When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight?
→ When they had lots of sleepless knights!

Who wins most of the medals for bravery in Burger Land?
→ The meatball heros!