Men Jokes — most viewed jokes

Men are like remote controls.
Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

Men are like coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
→ A mental hospital.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
→ Dating children.

What's a man idea of helping with the housework?
→ Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
→ His wife is good at picking out clothes.

"Helga, tell me something. Why do Swedish men always have stupid grins on their faces?"

"Because they're stupid," said her friend.

There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...

• "I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."
• "I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you."
• "I used to come here all the time with my ex."
• "Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour."
• "I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."
• "And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest."
• "I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask."
• "It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am."
• "I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it."

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

John Hopkins Medical Center is reporting an unusual occurrence in the Obstetrics department:
A child was born with both male and female organs.

A penis and a brain!

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Stupid!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.