Language Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Costa

- Costa who?

- Costa lot!

What is the difference between Russian Optimist, Pessimist and Realist?
An Optimist learns German.
A Pessimist learns Chinese.
A Realist learns AK-47.

What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar?
→ Ok you 2, dont start anything

The chieftain of a remote village flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.

The chief made a series of weird noises - "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight."

Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?"

The chief made the same noises - "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then said, "Yes , and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building."

"Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter.

The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z - from the shortwave radio."

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.
"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Arbus

- Arbus who?

- Arbus leaves in 5 minutes?

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Beirut

- Beirut who?

- Beirut force!

Parachute Jumping by Hugo Furst

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like.
The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like.
The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cookie

- Cookie who?

- Cookie quit and now I have to make all the food!