Ethnic — most viewed jokes

How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.

What is Iraq's national bird?
→ Duck!

How many Newfies does it take to change a flat tire?
→ Five. One to seal the inner tube and four to club the seal.

What is the definition of mass confusion?
→ Father's day in Harlem!

Did you hear about the Indian who couldn't tell heads from tails? You should have seen the scalps he took!

A Mexican tried to get into the United States. He was stopped at the border and questioned as to why he wanted in this country and how long he would stay.

He told them that he wanted to live there and become a citizen. The officer said, "Okay, if you use yellow, pink, and green in a sentence, I will let you in."

The Mexican thought and thought. He finally said, "The telephano goes green, green, green. So I pink it up and say 'YELLOW'!"

This guy gets a map of Canada tattooed on his butt. The only trouble is that every time he takes a dump, Quebec separates.

An American walking through the streets of London, passed under Canary Wharf (London's biggest building). As he stood there looking up, a kid joined him.

After a while, the American turned to the kid and said, "Do you realize, son, that we have buildings like that in the States, only they're three times the size?"

"I'm not surprised," said the kid. "That's a Lunatic Asylum!"

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant and is told by the maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait and would he like to wait in the bar. So he goes and has a seat at the bar.

The bartender walks up and says with a heavy accent, "What you dlink?"

The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."

The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time were twee little pigs..."

Very Short Lists:

1. List of Golf Courses that do not allow Doctors
2. List of all night Gay women's bars in Iran
3. List of DR's who do gratis Brain Surgery
4. List of Hospitals with Drive-Thru window Service
5. List of Home cures for Ebola Virus
6. List of Homeless Boston Debutantes
7. List of Catholic Abortion referral services
8. List of Women Rabbi's and assistant's
9. List of Women Popes, Cardinals & Bishops
10. List of Men's Rape assistant groups
11. List of Battered Men's Help Groups
12. List of Cuban registered voters
13. List of Libyan registered women voters
14. List of Libyan Licensed women truck drivers
15. List of Libyan women lawyers
16. List of Libyan women with PHD's
17. List of Libyan Women Service Clubs
18. List of interstate Highways with no Numbers
19. List of U.S. Cops who have never eaten a doughnut
20. List of People who have survived going over Niagara Falls
21. List of People who have been in a UFO and are not crazy
22. List of People who can whistle while drinking beer
23. List of Pregnant Men
24. List of Men who wash dishes, do the laundry & iron at the same time
25. List of Women who drink 24 beer while watching 3 football games
26. List of Women who can out shoot, & skate Wayne Gregskey
27. List of Licensed flyable Airplanes with no wings
28. List of Blind Licensed Drivers in Calif.
29. List of Midgets over 6 foot tall
30. List of living trees made of plastic

- Can you read Chinese?

- Yes, but only when it's printed in English.

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.

After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.

'I'm fine,' Angus said. 'But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.'

'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that.'

'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes.'

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me please."
The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"

And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!"

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"

"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.

"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade!"

Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian?
→ He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.

Did you hear about the Polak who married an Amish woman?
→ He drove her buggy.

Why don't mexicans have checking accounts?
→ It's too hard to spray paint your name on the little line.