Ethnic — most viewed jokes

What do Filipinos call Canada?
→ Upper U.S.

What would you call an Arab who owns a harem of cows?
→ A milk sheik!

How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
→ None, the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.

What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track?
→ The Indy 500.

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver, "What's that building there?" "That's the Royal York Hotel," replied the cabbie. "The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan.
"About 12 years," replied the cabbie.

"12 years? We build 'em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months."

A while later the cab driver makes his way past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. "What's that building over there?" asked the Texan.
"That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre," replied the cabbie.
"Convention Centre? How long'd it take to build that?" asked the Texan.
"About three years," replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build 'em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks."

Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower. "What's that building there?" asks the Texan, pointing at the tower. "Danged if I know," replied the cabbie, "It wasn't here when I drove by yesterday."

Here's some sure signs you may be a Canadian...

• You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
• You understand, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
• You know what it means to be on 'pogey'.
• You know that "a mickey" and "2-4's" mean "Party at the cabin, eh!!"
• You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
• You can drink legally while still a 'teen'.
• You don't give a hoot about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
• You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
• You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
• You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
• You know that Canada is the only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
• You dismiss all beers under 6% alcohol content as "for children and the elderly, and for export to the US".
• You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
• You believe "the Canadian Conspiracy" should have won an Oscar.
• You laugh afterward at some U.S. citizens' lack of knowledge of Canadian geography, but you are too polite to correct them.
• You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
• You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
• You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
• At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
• You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
• The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
• You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

How to identify a Canadian driver:

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: MONTREAL
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: TORONTO
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: OTTAWA
4. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: SASKATOON, but driving in TORONTO
5. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in the back seat: QUEBEC CITY
6. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: VANCOUVER
7. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the brake and both feet on the accelerator, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: RED DEER
8. Four wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on the floor, raccoon tails attached to the antenna: PRINCE GEORGE
9. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield driving 40 km/hr on Hwy 1 in the left lane with the left blinker on: VICTORIA
10. One ski-doo mitt on steering wheel, one ski-doo mitt scrapper in hand out front window scrapping frost, Guess Who on 8 track playing Share The Land, hockey equipment smelling up car interior, waiting at lights for snow removal equipment to finish clearing intersection: WINNIPEG

What is Iraq's national bird?
→ Duck.

How many Italian-Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ I dunno exactly, but my brothers girlfriends fathers boss secretary's sister's next door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Seargant-of-Arms nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.

How many Serbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two-one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.