Ethnic — most viewed jokes

A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, "Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?"
"No," said Mrs Finkelstein. "I haven't. What's going on in Rome?"
"A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things, decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus."
Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. "Indeed? And who is responsible, then?"
"I'm not sure," said Mrs. Moskowitz.
"I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans."

There were three men working at the top of a building. One was Chinese, one was Mexican, and the other one was Polish. At lunch they went to the edge and the top of the building the Mexican guy pulled out a taco and he said if I get another taco I am gonna jump off this bulding tomorrow. The Chinese guy pulled out fried rice and said if I get fried rice tomorrow I'm gonna jump off with you. The Polish guy pulled out a ham sanwich and said if I get another ham sandwich I'm gonna jump tomorrow with you guys too. The next day the Mexican guy got a taco so he jumped off. The Chinese guy got fried rice so he jumped off. The Polish guy got a ham sandwich so hey jumped off the building. The next day their wives had a triple funeral and the Mexican guy's wife was crying and she said I could have made him a burrito or something. The Chinese guy's wife was cring and said I could have made him some sushi. The Polish guy's wife couldn't stop laughing. The other's asked what was so funny? She stopped for a second and said that he had always made his own lunch.

A black couple we're invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as.

The wife says, "how about Hanzel and Gretel?"

Nah...they were white, her husband replied.

Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy?

No way! They're white too and have huge ugly freckles!

So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.

So he thinks a bit and then pops up - " I got it! ".

We'll go as Heshey Bars!

"Heshey bars?" replies his wife..."are you nuts!"

Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!

An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.

The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. "In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak". The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, "In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands ...!"

Confucious say...

• Woman sitting in jelly have her ass in jam
• Man with penis in peanut butter, fucking nuts
• Man who puts penis in vaccuum cleaner, get sucked off
• Boy who lay girl on hill, not on level
• Man who lose key to girlfriend apartment, get no new-key!
• He who finger girl during period, get caught red-handed
• He who smoke pot, choke on handle
• Woman who wear g-string, high on crack!
• He who stand on toilet, high on pot!
• Boy who go to bed with sex problem on mind, wake up with solution on-hand!
• Girl who bathe in vinegar, walk around with sour-puss!
• Man with hand in bush, not nessarily trimming shrubs!
• Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money!
• He who masturbate, screw only himself!
• He who walks thru airplane door sideways is going to Bangkok!
• Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs!

Two Poles, Markowski and Krachevski go to France on a pleasure trip. They meet this Frenchman called Jean Paul and become good pals. Jean Paul finds these two Poles some-what amusing and so he goes all out to make them happy. He treats them at pubs, bars, discotheques.

This goes on for a while until one fine day Jean Paul does not turn up. The Poles assume that some important work would have held him up and do not take a serious note of it. But, perhaps something was serious as Jean Paul does not turn up for next five days.

At this the Poles get alarmed and go to the police station to lodge a report. The inspector asks them to give details of the person who's missing. The following conversation follows:

- Markowski: Well, his name is Jean Paul.

- Inspector: It's a very common name in France. Something more please.

- Krachevski: Well, he is very tall.

- Inspector: Most of the people in France are tall. Big deal.

- Markowski: Well, he's got blue eyes.

- Inspector: Oh! no. Something more substantial.

- Krachevski: I got it. This is slightly uncommon. I'm sure now you shall be able to track him. You see, He's got two holes in his ass.

- Inspector: (shocked): Well, well, that's curious. Are you sure?

- Krachevski: Ya! Ya!

- Inspector: Are you definitely sure that this very personal info you have is CORRECT?

- Krachevski: Most certainly.

- Inspector (still skeptical): But how're you so sure?

- Krachevski: Simple. Whenever we used to go with him to the bar, everyone used to greet him as "Here comes Jean Paul with the two ass-holes!"

Did you know they are taking out all the K-Marts in Afghanistan?
→ They are putting in TARGETS!!!

Two Polish truck drivers are barreling along when they come up to an overpass. A sign says, "Clearance: 11"2'." So they get out, measure their truck, and realize that it's 11"6'. So the first Polak looks at the second Polak and says, "I don't see any cops around....let's go for it!"

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.

Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." (Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)

"No problem," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it.

The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, "That looks good. Think I'll have one too."

Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it.

The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples ... this hatred ... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes!?!"

Top ten reasons why it's good to be Italian:

• In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
• Unembarrassed to wear fur.
• No need to worry about tax returns
• Glorious military history... well, until about 400 a.d.
• Can wear sunglasses inside
• Political stability
• Flexible working hours
• Live near the Pope
• Country run by Sicilian murderers