Ethnic — most viewed jokes

Hear about the Amish couple that was getting a divorce after 55 years of marriage? The wife told the judge that her husband was "driving her buggy!"

Did you hear about the Polish girl who tried to trade her menstrual cycle in on a Honda?

4 Doctors were talking shop one day...

An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."

A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! We are about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country will be looking for work the next day!"

Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived.

One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all.

Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three.
"Reform I can understand. But where will it end? You! Goldblum! The ashtrays in your temple so My people could smoke while the Torah was being read???"

Goldblum shuddered.

God went on. "I can live with that. Men are weak, but the Word is strong!"

Goldblum sighed with relief.

"Bauman! Really, I can accept My people need to eat, but really: serving Ham Sandwiches to the devout at the temple during Yom Kippur?"

Bauman hung his head in shame.

"Even that I can allow to pass, even with the eating of that which is not Kosher. I'm not pleased at all with the playing fast and loose with my people, but I can accept these indiscretions."

Bauman also heaved a sigh of relief.

Finally, He turns to the third rabbi and says, "You, Rabinowitz, have gone too far! Am I asking too much? No, you flaunt the world at Me, even on the holiest days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur by putting out a sign saying....

"Closed for the Holiday !!!"

Confucious say...

All who fly upside-down have crack up.

He who stand on toilet high on pot.

He who shits brick has square hole.

Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.

A man walks into a shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here."

"What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish dog. Look."

And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck this dog has a tallis bag round its neck.

"Rover," says the man, "daven!"

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head.

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck.

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven.

"That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies, you could make a million dollars off of him!!"

"You speak to him," says the man, "He wants to be a doctor."

You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
→ He's the one with a duck.

What's delaying the Polish space program?
→ Development of a working match.

• The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
• You were born somewhere else.
• You know how to eat an artichoke.
• The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
• Your car has bulletproof windows.
• Left is right and right is wrong.
• Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
• Your mouse has only one ball.
• You need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up.
• You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.
• You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.
• You drive to your neighborhood block party.
• Your family tree contains 'significant others'.
• Your cat has it's own psychiatrist.
• You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.
• You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
• More than clothes come out of the closets.
• When 'the Dead' are best live.
• You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.
• More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
• Smoking in your office is not optional.
• When you can't schedule a meeting because you must 'do lunch'.
• Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
• Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
• You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
• You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
• A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.
• When all highways into the state say: 'no fruits'. All highways out of the state say: 'Go back'.
• You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim were having a discussion about who was the most religious.

"I was riding my camel in the middle of the Sahara," exclaimed the Muslim. "Suddenly a fierce sandstorm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as I lay next to my camel while we being buried deeper and deeper under the sand. But I did not lose my faith in the Almighty Allah, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for a hundred metres all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a devout Muslim and am now learning to recite the Koran by memory."

"One day while fishing," started the Christian, "I was in my little dinghy in the middle of the ocean. Suddenly a fierce storm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as my little dinghy was tossed up and down in the rough ocean. But I did not lose my faith in Jesus Christ, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for 300 metres all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a devout Christian and am now teaching young children about Him."

"One day I was walking down the road," explained the Jew, "I was in my most expensive designer outfit in the middle of New York city. Suddenly I saw a black bag on the ground in front of me appear from nowhere. I put my hand inside and found a million dollars in cash. I truly thought my end had come as it was a Saturday and we are not allowed to handle money on Saturdays. But I did not lose my faith in Jehova, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for 500 metres all around me, it was Tuesday..."