Random joke from this category
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, .... 'Jose, can you see?'"
A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink.
The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness."
The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table."
The Russian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Gouvstof's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid."
"That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?"
"No," the Russian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time."
Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
→ Because the little propellers cost extra!
What's the object of a Jewish football game?
→ To get the quarter back!
Chanowski & his other Polak drinking buddy are sitting at a bar. "See those guys over there?" Chanowski says. "I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Polaks." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polaks. One of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy. "Well, what do they think of Polaks?" he asks. "We're still number one," replies Chanowski.
First, we want to apologize to our Polish friends, but remember it's just a joke!
Poland's Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.
Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
Did you hear about the spanish fireman who named his sone Hose A and Hose B?
A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head.
"There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept with" she said. Then one more scream and the baby's white legs were born, "Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said.
The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark !!!"
The first Jewish woman President is elected.
She calls her Mother:
- Mama, I've won the elections, you've got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.
- I don't know, what would I wear?
- Don't worry, I'll send you a dressmaker
- But I only eat kosher food
- Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get you kosher food
- But how will I get there?
- I'll send a limo, just come mama
- Ok, Ok, if it makes you happy.
The great day comes and Mama is seated between the Supreme Court Justices and the Future Cabinet members, she nudges the gentleman on her right. "You see that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible?... Her brother's a doctor!"
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man.
So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see. No Fee.
