Ethnic — most viewed jokes

Average Iraqi: Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors
Average American: Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme park

Average Iraqi: Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation
Average American: Willing to participate in People's Choice Awards

Average Iraqi: Lines up by the thousands to die for country
Average American: Will go to any extreme to avoid jury duty

Average Iraqi: Has endured many food shortages during wars with Iran and embargo by West
Average American: Shoves McDonalds cashier if their Happy Meal doesn't include McCookies

Average Iraqi: Believes if he dies in battle, he will go straight to Paradise
Average American: Believes if, in a dream, you don't wake up before hitting the ground, you die

Average Iraqi: Has friend or relative wounded in ruthless wars of conquest
Average American: Has beer guzzling uncle who shot self in foot on hunting trip

Average Iraqi: Thinks Saddam Hussein is a political genius
Average American: Thinks Saddam Hussein makes Dan Quayle seem like Einstein

At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?"

"Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general.

"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks.

"The likelihood is that it will be China."

The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?"

"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time."

"But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough Jews?"

A missionary is sent into deepest darkest depths of Africa to live with a tribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and good Christian values. One thing he particularly stresses is the evil of sexual sin. "Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!"

One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white baby.

The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.

"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. Anyone can see what's going on here!"

The missionary replies, "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief pauses for a moment then says, "Tell you what, you don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything about the white baby."

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'help you," replied the Prime Minister.

"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton.

"Oui?"

"Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color, at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton.

"No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan Condoms.

"I need a favor, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send 'dem to Hamerica."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yah," said the Prime Minister, "an' print 'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her,... don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.

So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara."

The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem!! I have. I have."

Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."

The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build."

Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis."

The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. I cut."

An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000 Rps and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical "service" smile and "Have a nice day!"

The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with another wad of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000 Rps and put his hand out for his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.

He questiond bitterly "Ooh! vy less !!??" Whereupon the cashier replied "Fluctuations!"

He screamed back "FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!" I'm going back to Delhi!!!

Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.

What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.

Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!

The decline has begun.

Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U.S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.

But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.

If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?

What do the Chinese call a 69????
→ Two can chew!!

Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop, barbequeing a chicken on a manual rotisserie. A drunk comes walking along and says, "Hey, man...the music stopped, and your monkey's on fire."

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care."

The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."