Ethnic — most viewed jokes

A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles - or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, they got the cow from Minsk.

It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it, and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all day.

Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi what to do. After all he was very wise.

They told him the story. "Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the right. What do we do?"

The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

"Rabbi!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?"

The Rabbi said, sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"

The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?"

The Russian says, "What's meat?"

The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?"

The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"

A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to a dinner. He then stands up to thank everyone.

"First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, then I want to thank my children, and the lottery commission."

"Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler". Suddenly everyone was silent as he showed some numbers tatooed on his forearm and said, "For the winning numbers".

These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end." The buddy gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those nails are for the other side of the house!"

Why were there only 49 contestants at the Miss Ebonics USA pageant?
→ No one wanted to stand up and say. . . Idaho...

Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian?
→ He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands andkicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that islying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.

All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.

Genie, " Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is afag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won'teven give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will itbe."

The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come upwith what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.

Fag1 says," Could you give us just a little time to think about it? Imean one wish we need a little time."

The Genie looks down and says, "Alright you can take as long as youwant but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I justcan't stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind justwish for it and it will done."

At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky.

Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room anddecide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotionstook over and they starting doing all that fag stuff. Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busteddown and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw arope around their necks. Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says, " You know this might be a good time useour wish."

Fag2 says, "I already made it."

Fag1 " What the hell did you wish for?"

Fag2 " Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers."

An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide: "How large is the population here?"

"Around 1.5 billion" -- the guide answers.

American, after a short pause: "So, what else do you do here?"

Crash Course in Speaking Chinese

Chinese Phrase - English Translation

• Ai Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the coffee table
• Chin Tu Fat: You need a face lift
• Gun Pao Der: An ancient Chinese invention
• Hu Flung Dung: Which one of you fertilized the field?
• Hu Yu Hai Ding: We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive
• Jan Ne Ka Sun: A former late night talk show host
• Kum Hia: Approach me
• Lao Ze Sho: Gilligan's Island
• Lao Ze: Not very good
• Lin Ching: An illegal execution
• Moon Lan Ding: A great achievement of the American space program
• Ne Ahn: A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
• Shai Gai: A bashful person
• Tai Ne Bae Be: A premature infant
• Tai Ne Po Ne: A small horse
• Ten Ding Ba: Serving drinks to people
• Wan Bum Lung: A person with T.B.
• Yu Mai Te Tan: Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
• Wa Shing Kah: Cleaning an automobile
• Wai So Dim: Are you trying to save electricity?
• Wai U Shao Ting: There is no reason to raise your voice