Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

- I tried to send an e-mail and broke my computer.

- How do you manage that?

- I think it was when I tried to push it through the letterbox.

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?
→ The candle is a thousand times brighter!

How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life?
→ Tell him a joke when he's a baby!

A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening.
But she didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened?

She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"

• I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
• I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.
• Man alive! But I wish you weren't.
• I believe in respect for the dead in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
• Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
• You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.
• You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
• We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.
• I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.
• There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
• All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.
• I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.

• Yours was an unnatural birth you came from a human being.
• You have nothing to fear from my base instincts its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
• It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it.
• Hey, act your age -- senile!
• I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
• You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
• In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him."
• We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
• We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
• Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
• The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
• When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting.

They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.

The first redneck says to the other, "If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you."

After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo.

The next morning, the first redneck finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the second redneck man if he did what he told him to do.

The redneck answers, "Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows."

Two men were out hunting when one of them saw a rabbit. "Quick," said the first, "shoot it." "I can't," said the second. "My gun isn't loaded." "Well," said the first," you know that, and I know that, but the rabbit doesn't."