Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
→ A very witch person.

If Thinking Machines made toasters...

You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.

A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.

"Where can I buy one?" he is asked.

Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says.

"I'll take him," says the other man as he counts out the money.

I can't bring him over today. I don't work on Sunday morrow OK?

"Sure."

The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "sorry, bad news."

I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.

The city feller says just give me my money back then.

"Can't, spent it already!"

"Well... unload the mule then."

"What ya gonna do with him?"

"Raffle him off!"

"Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!"

"Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks."

One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.

"What did ya do with that dead mule?"

"Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!"

How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ None. Capricorns can't afford new lightbulbs --- unless they're a legitimate business expense.

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy - Either way, you get your dog back!"

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.

Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

A frog walks into a bank and says "I wanna loan."

"Well Mr. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black's desk, she is the loan manager, I'm sure she will be happy to talk to you," The head desk says.

The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black's desk and says, "I wanna loan." Mrs. Black says, "Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here..." At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her. She asks, confused, "What is this?" The frog croaks back, "I wanna loan."

She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, "I don't get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?"

The boss laughs and says, "It's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"

There was a huge fire at a big city soda factory. The city company was losing ground and the owner was frantic. He told the fire department that he needed a secret formula in the safe that was in the center of the blaze, and he would give 10,000 dollars to the department that got the formula. An hour later no ground was gained and a mutual aid call was put out. When 12 departments couldn't subdue the blaze the owner saw this he raised the reward to 100,000 dollars. Suddenly a small town department drove their truck right into the fire and emerged 10 minutes later with the formula. When asked what they would do with the money one said, "Get them damn brakes fixed we figure."

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."