Aviation Jokes — most viewed jokes

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.

The airline had a policy, which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment, but no one seemed annoyed.

Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old lady walking with a cane. She approached and asked, conspiratorially, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"

- Why no Ma'am, what is it?

- Did we land or were we shot down?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing, reassuring voice of the pilot: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your automatic pilot.
In my modern and carefully tested sytem an error is absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, ..."

When a plane caught fire over the jungle the pilot ejected and landed in a cannibal's pot. The cannibal turned to his friend and said, 'What's this flier doing in my soup?'

- Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings..

- OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!

How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None, it is done by the automatic pilot.

- Stewardess

- Yes, Sir?

- I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

- Captain, shut up and land the plane.

From a Southwest Airlines employee....
"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

- Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're number one, check for workers on the taxiway.

- Pilot: Roger ..... We've checked, they're all working.

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

"Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.

"In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?"