Aviation Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's the difference between American and Serbian pilots?
→ American pilots break ground and fly into the wind!

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her papal neighbour. 'Father, surely you can do something about this...'

To which the Pope replied, 'Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management.'

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again."

"Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane."

"Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in."

"Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked."

Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second sees a girl holding her dog who has a pencil through his head. The third guy sees a guy laughing his head off. He asks, "Why are you laughing?" The guy says, "I was cooking on my BBQ when I farted..." "What's so funny about that?" "It blew my neighbor's house apart!"

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.

Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30 minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking and quivering.

'Are you OK, sir?' asked the stew?

'Yes, I'm fine.' said the man.

Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and shaking again..

'Are you sure you're alright sir?'

'Yes.' said the man, 'but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.'

'Whats wrong?' asked the stew, 'Is he not house broken?'

'No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!'

Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them.

One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?" The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!"

35 People and an Irishman were in a 4 engine jumbo jet heading over the Pacific Ocean. Suddenly, a Message is announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen Engine #2 has Died, We will be 30 mins late"

"Damn!" Said the Irishman. 10 mins later, "I'm sorry people Engine #3 has died, We'll be 1 hour late"

20 mins later, "Every one, engine # 4 has died, sorry, We'll be 2 hours late"

Suddenly the Irish man speaks out, "Bloody hell, If the last engine goes we'll be stuck up here all day!!"

A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.

When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate.

He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."

"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs."

The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

- First man: Hey did you know that my airplane got caught in a heavy storm. The engine was leaking and it was raining.

- Second Man: Then it is a miracle that you landed safely on the ground and nothing happened to you.

- First Man: Who said the airplane was flying?!!

An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the mouse says: "Tail gunner to pilot... Tail gunner to pilot.."

The eagle says "what do you want?"

The mouse asks how high up they are.

The eagle thinks for a moment and then says "ohh about 5,000 ft."

The mouse then replies "You wouldn't be shittin me now would ya??"