Most viewed jokes

Yo'moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck

At least now, Mr. Clinton, we understand why mattresses are discounted every Presidents Day.

Joan, a rather well-proportioned & near-sighted secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first few days, but always removed her glasses for an even facial tan. After several days she decided that no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of her suit for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

- Excuse me, miss - said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.

- The hotel doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you have for the past week.

- What difference does it make? - Joan asked rather calmly.

- No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel.

- Not exactly - said the embarrassed little man.

- You're lying on the dining room skylight!

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says:

- Would you like to dance?

The girl says:

- I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you.

The guy says:

- I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.

Why can't Frankenstein have children?
→ Because his nuts are on his neck.

- Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.

- Would you spell that, please?

- Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.

The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor . . ."

Yo Mama's so stupid, she got locked in a "Furniture World" and slept on the floor.

Your momma is so fat that her measurements are 26-34-28, and her other arm is just as big!

Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin' Daddy?" Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says. Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?"

The hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The first night the hillbilly anxiously jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready for a little romance.

His new bride comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says:

- Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a virgin.

The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father's house. When he gets there his father says:

- Son, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon.

The son, almost out of breath from his run to the house says:

- Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She's a virgin!!!!

- Damn son. You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn't good enough for her family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for ours!