Most viewed jokes

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?
→ Sorry, it was a freak hic!

- Police Chief: Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?

- Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.

- Police Chief: Why did you arrest that doctor?

- Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -- it went like this:

- Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

- No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

- Officer, who provided this description?

- The officer who responded to the scene.

- A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

- Yes sir, with my life.

- With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a locker room in the police station, a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

- Yes sir, we do.

- And do you have a locker in that room?

- Yes sir, I do.

- And do you have a lock on your locker?

- Yes sir.

- Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?

- You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room.

What did the fat pig say when the farmer dumped corn mash into the trough?
→ I'm afraid that's all going to waist.

Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage in November?
→ She wanted to do her Christmas slopping early.

Did you know they are taking out all the K-Marts in Afghanistan?
→ They are putting in TARGETS!!!

What happened to the Polish National Library?
→ Someone stole the book.

Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy?
→ She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say:

- Jesus is watching you!

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

- Jesus is watching you - the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot:

- Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?

- Yes - said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot:

- What's your name?

- Clarence - said the bird.

- That's a dumb name for a parrot - sneered the burglar.

- What idiot named you Clarence?

The parrot said:

- The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.