Sport Jokes — most commented jokes

Why couldn't the Lesbian tennis star compete in the Dutch Open?
→ She got her finger caught in a dike!

Examination to Qualify for Entrance to UNLV
(basketball players only)
Time Limit: 3 weeks

1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners (d) Easterners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton.
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a 7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? (a) yes (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges? (a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?
20. The UNLV tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)? (a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting

You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify

What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
→ At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

Why are there no Olympic Team Cuban swimmers?
→ Cause all the Cuban who can swim are here already!

President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton's ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!". She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks at Clinton and says, "No, I said to throw out the first PITCH!"

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. Suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned umpire shouted, "No, Mr. President! I said, Throw the first PITCH!"

Did you hear about the new downhill racing skis the ski resorts are selling this year?
→ They are called Lewin-skis. They are for people who like to go down.

• 17: shopping
• 25: shopping
• 35: shopping
• 48: shopping
• 66: shopping

- Dentist: Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams.

- Patient: Why, Doc? It isn't all that bad this time.

- Dentist: Well, there are about 20 people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock Braves game on Channel 4.

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's performance. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"