Sport Jokes — most commented jokes

Why is "red" the colour of the University of Georgia?
→ Because they can't spell "crimson" or "scarlet".

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, whereupon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball team by suspending any basketball player who wasn't maintaining a passing average. Furious, the coach came storming into the dean's office, followed by one of his star players.

"You can't keep him from playing!" the coach roared. "We won't win this weekend without him!"

"I don't care," the dean said. "Things have gotten out of hand at this college."

"What do you mean, out of hand?" the coach demanded.

"I'll show you what I mean," the dean said. He turned to the basketball player and said, "Tell me, how much is six times seven?"

The player thought for several seconds. Then he said, "Thirty-one?"

The dean turned to the coach and said, "I rest my case."

"Oh, come on now," the coach said. "Why are you making such a big deal of it? After all, he only missed it by one."

Did you hear the joke about the football game with the 0-0 score?
→ Never mind it's pointless.

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Para-Olympics?
→ Having arms and legs.

What do the Pope and the Giants have in common?
→ Both cram 30,000 fans in a stadium and end up saying JESUS CHRIST!!

Why are the N.Y. Giants like a tampon?
→ They're only good for one period and have no second string.

A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I'm really curious... What does Hell look like?"

So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like, but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator."

The man said "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains of ice through blankets of snow. Remembering what Saint Peter said, the man quickly pushed the button for the top floor, the doors closed and he traveled back up to Heaven.

After returning to Heaven the man approached Saint Peter and said, "I'm ready to enter into Heaven now, but before I do I have just one more question."

"Go ahead", replied Saint Peter, and so the man asked, "I thought Hell would be fire and brimstone, but instead all I saw was snow and ice. Is that what it's really like?"

Saint Peter thought about this for a second and finally answered, "Snow and ice, huh. I guess the Denver Broncos finally won the Super Bowl !!"

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:

"I am placed in the door and told when to jump"

"My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go"

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack".

Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decided to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"

The man said "no".

Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!"

The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"That's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral."