Sport Jokes — most commented jokes

Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois?
→ The first offense they give you Bears tickets and the second offense they make you use them.

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.

- Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

- Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn't all that bad this time.

- Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."

What does the N on the Nebraska football helmet stand for?
→ "Nowledge."

"Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes," said the gym teacher.
"Fred! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy."

"I'm freewheeling, sir."

How do vampire football players get the mud off?
→ They all get in the bat-tub.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
East German Swim Team Barbie ...a Barbie head on a Ken doll

• Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
• Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
• If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
• Throw away a hundred dollar bill - now.
• Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
• Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
• Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
• Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
• Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
• Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
• Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
• Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
• Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
• Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing.

Do you know why the Texas Aggies use artificial turf in their football stadium?
→ It helps stop their cheerleaders from grazing!

Why did the Packers tear up the end zone after a Vikings Game?
→ There was too much "Moss" in it!