Random joke from this category
A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.
She says, "That's it! That's it!"
He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side."
A blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob.
- Excuse me, aren't you Karen Carlton, and didn't you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?
- Yes. How'd you know?
- I never forget a face.
What does a camera and a condom have in common?
→ They both capture that magic moment.
How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?
→ When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you... up the arse with her clitoris.
This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"
The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"
"Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.
How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
→ He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.
What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch dick?
→ Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.
How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex?
→ Call her up
After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.
"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied. "You can't make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"
A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is in the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, matted hair..... She looks at him, beckons, and says, "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success."
Well, having no intention of doing anything with this woman, the man climbs higher up the ladder. A bit further on, he comes upon a woman slightly less ugly than the woman before. Not attractive, by any means, but not repugnant. "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success," she says.
Again, the man elects to continue his climb.
Before long, he comes upon another woman. This one is actually attractive. Not a knock-out, but very pleasing. "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success."
Well, he figures the women keep getting better and better looking as he gets higher and higher. So he decides to continue climbing.
A bit farther up is the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen in his life! Miss America beautiful. In a sultry voice she says, "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success." Well, needless to say he is very tempted.
But he just can't imagine what could top this woman, so he decides to climb higher.
On the next cloud up is a horrid 500 lb man. You can see the lice in his hair, he stinks, his clothes are ratty..... "Who are you?" our climber asks in horror. Grinning a toothless grin, the man looks at him and says, "Hi. I'm Cess."
