Sex Jokes — most commented jokes

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.

She yells:

- What the hell do you guys think you are doing?

One of the Japanese men explains:

- Can't you see? We are all berry hungry.

The waitress begs the question:

- So, how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?

One of the other Japanese men replies:

- The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

A worried patient went to his psychiatrist.

- I'm in love with my horse - he said.

- But that's nothing - replied the shrink:

- A lot of people love animals. For instance, my wife and I have a dog that we love very much.

- Ah, but doctor - the patient replied:

- It's a sexual attraction that I feel toward my horse.

- Ahhh! - exclaimed the doc:

- What kind of a horse is it? Male or female?

- Female, of course - said the bloke:

- What do you think I am, a faggot!

Two fags were walking down the street and passed a handsome guy. One fag turned to the other and said:

- See that stud there, Bruce?

- Sure.

- Well, let me tell you, he's a tremendous fuck!

- No shit? - Bruce asked.

- Well, hardly any.

Two gay men were in bed fooling around when all of a sudden the door bell rings. The first gay man tells the second, "Don't cum until I come back", and he rushes off to answer the door.

After a few minutes, he eagerly returns to the bedroom only to find cum was all over the bed and sheets. He says to the second gay man, "I thought you wasn't going to cum until I came back." The second gay man says to the first, "I didn't cum, ........ I farted!"

What did one gay sperm say to the other?
→ I can't find my way through all this shit.

What do you call a gay man's scrotum?
→ Mud flaps!

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.

Then, one of them got an idea, saying:

- I know, let's play swords!

- Play swords? - asked the other.

- How?

- Simple. Whip it out, smack it till it's hard, and we both whack 'em together like swords.

So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking their dicks together playing swords.

Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions.

- We're playing swords! - yelled one of the bums.

The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming exhausted.

- I'm tired, - he said. He bent over saying:

- kill me!, kill me!!

A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades.

- And on the third day... - he began.

- No! no! start with the first day - Everyone yells out in chorus.

- And on the third day - the private continues - she asked me to stop so she could go to the bathroom...

The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex.

- Oh - he mused - It was 1945.

- Isn't that a long time to go without sex? - the doctor asked.

- I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21:13.

A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love.

- How awful ! - exclaimed the wife.

- Si, but what a great way to spend eternity - added the husband.