School — most commented jokes

On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!"

"That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?"

"Just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!"

"That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied.

The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied.

The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?"

The boy replied, "A puppy!"

- Teacher: Name four members of the cat family.

- Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens!

What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?
→ One minds the train, the other trains the mind.

- Teacher: Who built the first American car?

- Student: Me Pilgrims.

- Teacher: The Pilgrims?

- Student: Yeah, they made the Mayflower Compact.

Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend?
→ They were both driving their cars at the time!

"Where's the car?" asked Professor Delbert's wife when he got home.

"Did I take it out?"

"Yes, you drove it to school this morning."

"I suppose you're right, my dear. I remember now that after I got out, I turned to thank the man who gave me a lift and wondered where he'd gone."

What's the difference between a schoolteacher and a train driver?
→ A schoolteacher says, "Spit out that toffee" and a train says, "Choo, choo."

What should a teacher take if he's run down?
→ The number of the car that hit him.

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?
→ One trains the mind, the other minds the train.

Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains?
→ He had to keep track of everything!