Mom/Dad Jokes — most commented jokes

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."

Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.

The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I?"

A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor.

He says "Doctor, I want to put her on the pill."

The Doctor says "Why?!? Is she sexually active?"

The guy says "Nah, she just lies there like her mother."

A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother. The young boy answered "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."

Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!"

"Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'"

- Mommy, mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?

- Shut up and help me get grandma off the doorknob!

A little girl asks her father, "Where do little girls come from?"

The father says, "They come from a hard-on."

The little girl then asks her father, "Where does a hard-on come from?"

The father says, "Little girls!"

A young girl is speaking with her father.

- Daddy, what's that between your legs?

- That's my hedgehog.

- Wow, it's got a massive cock.

What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
→ You can eat your Mom's apple pie.

What did the boy with a long tongue and big lips say to his mom as he was masturbating?
→ "Look Ma, no hands!"

Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said, "Please give me a prescription for the Pill."

- I don't think you need the Pill at your age.

- It relaxes me.

- But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for relaxing.

"I know," said Mrs. Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed."