Random joke from this category
Economics is ruining your life when...
A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father's firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney.
At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father! The Smith case, that you always said would go on forever -- the one you have been toiling on for ten years -- in one single day, I settled that case and saved the client a fortune!"
His father frowned, and scolded his son, "I did not say that it would go on forever, son. I said that it could go on forever. When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, didn't it ever occur to you that I was billing by the hour?"
A young attorney who had taken over his father's practice rushed home elated one night.
"Dad, listen," he shouted, "I've finally settled that old McKinney suit."
"Settled it!" cried his astonished father. "Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!"
A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay. Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?" "Well...yes." Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?" Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about my cooking again!"
The company sergent is briefing the recruits:"For the next ten weeks the commanding officer will be your father,and I will be your mother. Incidentally we are not married, so youknow what that makes you..."
Coach Bowden was talking to the newest player on the team.
"It's fantastic the way you strike the line, dodge, tackle and weave through your opponents."
Luke was a shy fellow, but blurted out, "I suppose it all comes from early training, sir. You see, my mom used to take me shopping with her on sale days."
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
No $Dear Dad,$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you wouldlike, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,Your $on.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *Dear Son,I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even anhoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NObletask, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,Dad
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?"
The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about ten percent."
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.
- Ma, the results are in. I won the election!
- Honestly?
The politician's smiled faded.
- Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?
