Mom/Dad Jokes — most commented jokes

At the end of camp, Julie won the prize for neatest trunk. Her mother was amazed.
'How did your trunk get so neat?' she asked her messy daughter.
'It was easy,' said Julie.
'I just never unpacked!'

- Dad, did you manage to fix my toy?

- No, it's not broken, the battery's flat.

- Well, what shape should it be?

- Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your grandma's bed?

- Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.

The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me."
"My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away."
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it."
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?"
"In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'"

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."

- You've failed history again!

- Well you always told me to let bygones be bygones!

A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack.

She offered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities. "It has more vitamin C than an orange," she remarked.

"And more hair than Dad," added their son.

- Karen: Have you noticed that Daddy is getting taller?

- Sharon: No, why?

- Karen: His head is sticking through his hair.

Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer.

"No," said Mom. "It's glue."
"I thought so," said Janet.
"I wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today."

What's your dad getting for Christmas?
→ Bald and fat.