Men Jokes — most commented jokes

How do you confuse a woman??
→ Give her a choice!!

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures 25 cents." "Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents." The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his "thing" into the opening - with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for two weeks.

When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his "thingy"...

Which now had a button sewed on the tip.

What does "WIFE" stand for?
→ Washing Ironing Food Entertainment

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable!

I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.

"I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "WOMAN - Iron this shirt!"

Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted's penis was twisted like a corkscrew. "Blimey," Ed said. "I've never seen one like that before!" "Like what?" Ted said. "All twisted like a pigs tail" Ed said. "Well what's yours like?" Ted said. "Well straight like normal" Ed said. "I thought mine was normal 'til I saw yours" Ted said.

Ed finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shake down prior to putting it back in his pants. "What did you do that for?" Ted said. "Shaking off the excess drops" Ed said. "Like normal." "Shit" Ted said. "And all these years I've been wringing it!"

Uh...top 10 things not to say to a naked man:

10. Awww...that's cute
11. Well, at least you're good at other things
12. Do you think it'll fit in my old Barbie clothes?
13. My li'l brother has one like that.
14. Are you cold?
15. ::giggles::
16. Maybe we should just be friends
17. Can you make it dance?
18. Umm...maybe you should get dressed
19. Oh...look...its hiding!

How do you open a can of beer?
→ That's not the point - it should be open when she gives it to you!

There was an old man in a bar who was staring at a punk in the corner. The punk had multicolored, spiked hair and multicolored feather earings.

After a while the punk got mad and said to the old man "What are you staring at?"

"Back when I was in the army I got really drunk one night and fucked a parrot. I was wondering if you were my son."

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't freakin' think so!

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.